A feverish dream about Ethereum was born in the minds of the young Vitalik Buterin in 2013. The Russian child had a dream that humanity can have a blockchain full of insecure smart-contracts that allow people to lose millions of dollars in new and exciting ways. Ethereum white paper was written in 2014, and the network was officially launched on 30 July 2015.
We are now in 2019, however, the Ethereum platform has not changed. Acne was gone, and what is happening inside the project, it undermines the drama. So why? What happened?
Coinjazeera.news sent a special correspondent Pepe Grenouille in Bangkok, so he could penetrate into the inner depths of the Ethereum Foundation and something to learn.
Bangkok is a beautiful city in the heart of Thailand, full of unemployed tourists, unfamiliar with computer science nerds and digital nomads who work for those who are familiar with these Sciences.
Thus, the journalists visited the local crowd of transvestites, hoping to smell the causes of the slowdown of the ETH. To our surprise, we found there several members of the Ethereum Foundation engaged in the search for love.
The media talked to wished to remain an anonymous member of the Ethereum Foundation Rattigan lane, trying to find out why slowed down the development of Ethereum:
“The first days Ethereum was difficult for the boy. A lot of white guys in suits screaming at each other and caused all sorts of drama inside our autistic utopia. It was too much for the young Vitalik. It’s only been a few months since he left his father. However, we continued to build the future. Everything was great until 2017, when the price of ETH beginning to grow rapidly, and Joe Labin mastered greed. As a result, the acne is overheated and did what any virgin with an IQ of 160 or more — he moved to Asia. For several months we thought it was for the best, he seemed to become more calm and still recognizable. But one day the code changes on Github slowed down. We didn’t know what was happening and called indigestion — it turned out that he spends time with Thomas Greco.”
The reporter was not sure who was referring to Mr. Rettig. The study showed that the above Thomas Greco is the shadow of a mysterious figure who acted as a special adviser OmiseGo project, which is almost completely not a Scam and proclaims the slogan “Rob the robbers of banks.” Journalists managed to find out that the project realizes its slogan by moving investors ‘ money in his own Luggage. They also learned that Mr. Greco is very spiritual, and that Southeast Asia is the perfect place to fully practice the spirituality of married young women. But what does all this have to do with our child-unicorn?
Journalists interviewed another anonymous member of the Ethereum Foundation, the man in the kimono, who called himself Vlad. It turned out that he had changed drastically since their last interview in Malta, apparently, this is due to too many dimethyltryptamine.
“Thomas showed acne… other side of life. That part of the world that cannot be reduced to a line of code or a scalable distributed computing platform. I say that he showed acne the power of pussy”.
According to the forensic examination, anorexic world champion in blockchain, lost my virginity at the beginning of 2017, when Ethereum started the rise above the vanity. This event changed our boy forever, so it makes sense to explain how he lost interest in his own project before you face something rock-n-roll weird.
“It was the beginning of the end, man. The beginning of the end. As soon as he first felt the pleasure, came the rump — continued Vlad. — We had to he was still unhappy, focused and unaware that life can be beautiful and fun and comfortable, so he could make money for all of us is the deal that we discussed with his father.”
When we finished the interview, Vlad has suggested to dance, as he was still at work, but the journalists politely declined. They thanked the player for multi-stemmed flute for your time and left him some milk and bread, on the understanding of the severity of the time.
Reporters wandered deeper into the red light district and heard a recognizable excited squeal, coming from the window. The voice seemed familiar. They heard a nasal and throaty drawl of the intake air, and thought it must be our boy. Looking in through the window, they saw Vitalik Buterin surrounded by Asian women, men, transvestites and animals. He had a vacant expression of face, he looked physically and emotionally drained. Reporters pushed the animals aside, to talk to a lost child.
“I decided that my rational choice to lead ethically hedonistic lifestyle, — said the boy. — The relationship between me and these men, women, and farm animals have already benefited the world. Performing calculations, I was able to determine that my phallus needs to experience the higher pleasures — the only way I can calm excessive agitation of the mind, which must focus on finding solution to the problem of scaling. I think I’ll be able to start work in about 2025, when you learn to control your latent sexual aggression.”
Vitalik asked about the price of ETH, and he replied:
“The expected value of ETH depends on the cash flow of commissions charged for the transaction. What do you think, by what I pay for it all? I’m the only one in whom lies the value of the blockchain”.
Reporters looked around the room and saw scattered everywhere hardware cryptomodule. When they rounded the corner, a Thai officer somehow managed to shoot one of cryptocell in the reporter and hit him in the eye. Men began to see clearly: he first creates a portfolio of ETH, existing in the real world.
The journalists left the acne alone and sad left the brothel, offering him an isotonic drink to replenish lost fluids to them. Being the only team of reporters, they couldn’t figure out what else can help him. They had no confidence that immersing myself in Asian chacha is the correct way of finding a solution to problems of scale. In the end, they returned home, giving tribute to the sovereignty of acne, and left the fledgling youngster without extraneous supervision, in the form in which it was prior to their visit.
On return, the journalists Coinjazeera.news sold all my ETH.